Stephanie Anne King, 19452015 (aged 70 years)

Name
Stephanie Anne /King/
Surname
King
Given names
Stephanie Anne
Married name
Pilant
Married name
Stephanie Anne /Pilant/
Birth January 16, 1945 53 42
Occupation
Stained glass artist

Death of a motherKathleen Munro Clark
December 24, 1955 (aged 10 years)
Cause: Stroke
Burial of a motherKathleen Munro Clark
December 28, 1955 (aged 10 years)
Cemetery: Karori Cemetary
Death of a maternal grandfatherJames William Clark
1956 (aged 10 years)
Marriage of a parentMarcus KingMuriel McPheeView this family
November 2, 1957 (aged 12 years)
Death of a fatherMarcus King
August 22, 1983 (aged 38 years)
Note: Source - TePapa http://collections.tepapa.govt.nz/Person/1259

Source - TePapa http://collections.tepapa.govt.nz/Person/1259

Note date of birth and age at death information on Marcus' gravestone conflicts with his interment record as currently shown, both of which conflict with Births Deaths & Marriages info.

The Funeral directors IC Mark of Waikenae Ltd were responsible for both gravestone and interment record details, as well as notifying Births Deaths and Marriages as to date of death, as I (Paul King) understand it from discussing it with them.

IC Marks indicated in an email message to me (2016) that they had relied upon information provided by Muriel, and that there would be a $1500 fee for correcting the details on the gravestone, should we wish it.

We have Marcus own handwritten record as to date of birth in his military records, which matches BDM, and presumably an actual date of death would be harder to get wrong than a calculation as to age at death, and any serious error as to date of death would likely have been noticed by BDM (e.g. if it was received by BDM in 1983 but date of death recorded was as per interment record 1984)

The balance of probabilities would seem to support Births Deaths & Marriages info as correct, and that other figures were a result of miscalculation / mis remembering by Muriel who may have represented his age at death variously as 93 or 95 (instead of 92)

I contacted Kāpiti Coast District Council (who admisister the Waikanae Cemetary) about this on 17/10/2016, and they have confirmed they will update their records.

Burial of a fatherMarcus King
August 24, 1983 (aged 38 years)
MarriageHarold PilantView this family
1994 (aged 48 years)
Death of a husbandHarold Pilant
December 18, 201318:00 (aged 68 years)
Cause: Vascular Dementia
Death January 29, 2015 (aged 70 years) Age: 70
Cause of death: Complications resulting from Dementia
Burial
Address: Row 17, Lot 79 East side of Shed Buried beside husband Harold Pilant
Address
164 King Street Rangiora

Note: With William Horsely
Address
149 Hanson Street Newtown Wellington

Note: Shared Flat

Shared Flat A fellow tenant was William Horsely. He and Stephanie became a couple for some years, ultimately buying a home together in Rangiora, which was close to Bill's own mother who lived in Oxford

Family with parents
father
Treaty Of Waitangi
18911983
Birth: May 15, 1891 43 36Manaia, New Zealand
Death: August 22, 1983Levin, New Zealand
mother
19031955
Birth: 1903 31 27Morrinsville, New Zealand
Death: December 24, 1955Wellington
brother
Private
sister
Private
herself
Stephanie, Chouteau June 2006
19452015
Birth: January 16, 1945 53 42Wellington, New Zealand
Death: January 29, 2015Pryor, OK
Father’s family with Muriel McPhee
father
Treaty Of Waitangi
18911983
Birth: May 15, 1891 43 36Manaia, New Zealand
Death: August 22, 1983Levin, New Zealand
step-mother
Marcus (right), Muriel (left) and Mona (middle) King, late 1970's
1991
Birth:
Death: November 1991
Marriage MarriageNovember 2, 1957St Andrews Presbyterian Church, The Terrace, Wellington, New Zealand
Family with Private
ex-husband
Private
herself
Stephanie, Chouteau June 2006
19452015
Birth: January 16, 1945 53 42Wellington, New Zealand
Death: January 29, 2015Pryor, OK
son
Private
daughter
Private
Family with Harold Pilant
husband
Stephanie & Harold, Christmas in Weisbaden 1992 (?)
2013
Birth:
Death: December 18, 2013Austin, Arkansas
herself
Stephanie, Chouteau June 2006
19452015
Birth: January 16, 1945 53 42Wellington, New Zealand
Death: January 29, 2015Pryor, OK
Marriage Marriage1994Oklahoma
Private + Private
ex-husband
Private
partner’s partner
Private
Address

With William Horsely

Address

Shared Flat A fellow tenant was William Horsely. He and Stephanie became a couple for some years, ultimately buying a home together in Rangiora, which was close to Bill's own mother who lived in Oxford

Note

Recollections of Paul King:

While a primary school pupil myself, Mum described to me a playground trick from her own school-days; first say "two horses went to the top of the hill and parted" .... now hook your fingers either side of your mouth & pull it wide, then try saying it again ....

Mum much later described being largely brought up from age 11 to 13 by neighbouring couple "Nan & Stan" Glew, after the death of mother Kathleen on Christmas Eve 1955.

Two years after the death of Kathleen, father Marcus King at age 66 remarried Muriel Mcphee - with the blessing (at the time) of his children. Muriel had been at Elam School of Art & made clay sculptures - possibly where she first met Marcus?

Childless herself, Muriel evidently actively disliked and resented all the children of her predecessor Kathleen Munro King (nee Clark). Reportedly very possessive & domineering of Marcus, and requiring his full attention, Muriel threw Stephanie (then aged around 13) out of the family home soon after moving in.

The older siblings had by then already left home. Gabby to a nurses hostel, Mark to a flat in Austin Street, Mt Victoria, Wellington

Stephanie found lodging in Chiltern St James boarding School (in the Hutt Valley) with the help of the Glews. She recalled being sent home for her first holidays only to learn all her clothes, toys & other belongings had been given away in her absence by Muriel, and remembers the humiliation of spending all holidays being seen by friends and neighbours wearing only her school uniform.

Marcus reportedly told Stephanie that while he had come to regret his apparently hasty remarriage & the attendant problems, that he had "made his bed and so must lie in it" - and perhaps for this reason found himself unable to stand up to Muriel or defend his youngest child.

At age 16 or thereabouts (as soon as legally old enough to leave school), Stephanie moved to a boarding hostel, staying there until meeting in 1965 her husband to be Donald King of Australia, via a philosophical society they both belonged to. Don had opened a coffee bar, "The Balladeer", with friends, on what was intended as only the first leg of a planned world tour.

Stephanie had trained at Wellington Teachers Training Collage, Karori, Wellington, but left work soon after giving birth to her first child (myself) in 1966, and before gaining much work experience.

The young couple set up flat together in Palliser Road and then in Roseneath Terrace, both in Mount Victoria, Wellington.

Joined briefly at Palliser Road by Mark King, who stayed in a sleep out at the rear of the house. A very early memory of mine (I was under 2 years old) is the exciting expedition with teddy bear in hand up the steep path to the sleep-out, and the equally exciting & mysterious electronic wizardry being practised therein by my uncle Mark (he was a HAM radio enthusiast).

Mark moved on, to my dismay at the time, and was replaced in due course by a young Englishman. I recall being picked up, placed on top of the unexplored new territory of the refrigerator and otherwise generally being kept distracted by him during the terrifying Wahine storm of 10 April 1968 when winds over 200 km/hr were recorded.

Stephanie & Don over this period continued to remain involved with the philosophical society, as well as meditation & whole foods & vegetarianism (I remember being forever told to "keep quiet" while meditation was in progress, and a desperate yearning for sugar, white bread & meat!)

The 'natural' health paradigm practised by my parents at the time nearly had an unfortunate outcome for me: As a toddler I caught severe bronchitis and Stephanie recalled anxiously monitoring my breathing night after night after I literally kept stopping with exhaustion. During this time I was not being given a Doctor's prescribed antibiotics because they were "artificial" and because apparently the body knew best how to heal itself. This state of affairs ended with intervention of Don's mother Mona, who flew over from Australia & took command!

The King's Moved to a flat in Upland Road in Kelburn (now a very exclusive location) around late 1970, soon after the birth of daughter Melissa. I remember From age 5 (and unaccompanied which would be very unusual today!) each day catching the old cable car and then a trolley bus across town to St Marks school in the Basin Reserve - something of an adventure at the time. I was now also entrusted with $0.02 per week pocket money - enough to buy a "2 cent mixture" of lollies at the dairy across the road.(much later the shopkeeper admitted to padding out the sweetie bag for the expectant young Paul as even then $0.02 had long since lost the requisite purchasing power for a "mixture")

Stephanie purchased a leasehold home with Don at 11 Loasby Crescent, Newlands in about 1973 (ph 786552 - drummed into kids heads in case of emergency!) , and rejoined the workforce part time as a postal worker when daughter Melissa began school around 1975, and while pursuing studies toward a BA degree in social studies with Massey under an extramural programme,

Stephanie and Don found the relationship was not working for them, and they separated (1979?), Stephanie leaving the children with their father at the family home in Newlands. Stephanie moved initially to Hanson Street, Newtown where she met and fell in love with a flatmate - a younger man called Bill Horsley. They moved south to Rangiora, near Christchurch (circa 1982) where they purchased a house and spent several years together, with their dog "Mak" (so named after being found abandoned as a puppy on the banks of the Waimakariri river)

Pursued her interest in fine art part time at the Ilam School of Art in Christchurch (though did not complete a degree), and earned a living as a journalist and office worker for a publisher of trade magazines. Also edited and wrote for a NZ permaculture magazine (unpaid). Some work as a screen printer & making printed craft work for sale (printed fabric cushions etc), as well as personal work in other media (water colour in particular).

Continued to support her children as well as she could throughout school & university on her modest income, and we have memories of train & ferry trips down from Wellington, long dusty car trips across the Canterbury Plains in Bill's old Peugeot, and summer camping holidays by South Island's fishing lakes

Around 1988-89, finding herself again in a rut, she left Bill and New Zealand for Wiesbaden in Germany - all on the strength of an offer of training and accommodation with the family of a well known German stained glass artist whom she had interviewed for an article she was writing. She arrived only to learn the offer had been a misunderstanding. Despite this setback, she found accommodation of her own and stayed on, learning German from scratch (despite being hard of hearing) and securing work at the Derix stained glass factory in Taunestein for several years, where she undertook projects ranging from restoration of medieval cathedral stained glass windows, to contemporary "architectural art glass" design. (http://www.derixusa.com/see/studio.html)

1n 1990-1991 she met up with her children who were both staying in Edinburgh at the time, and went on with me to Orkney Island (for New Year's Eve). There she immediately hit it off with the friendly locals & quickly identified potential relationships with several Orkadian families stemming from a Shetland island ancestor (Ann Jean 'Jinnie' Johnson). I meanwhile noticed an uncanny family resemblance (complete with rosy red cheeks!) with several locals just walking down the street.

Back in Weisbaden, Stephanie met Harold Pilant, a widower and US Air force aircraft technician stationed there (and a jolly decent chap in my view), and returned with him to be re-married by Harold's older brother Jerold Pilant, a Baptist preacher, at his Pleasant View Baptist Church in Pryor Oklahoma in (circa 1994). (for whom she later completed two stained glass windows circa 2005 - larger window image attached). Under Harold's influence,she rediscovered Christianity and became a Baptist, and became an increasingly staunch proponent of that world view to her stubbornly less enthusiastic children. (I have kept several earnest letters to affirm this correspondence)

Harold had several children from his previous marriage including Quandi (Clark), Randi, ?, ? all of whom have spouses and children of their own.

Stephanie continued with her stained glass work albeit on more modest projects & for an even more modest income (primarily for local Churches) from a purpose built studio at their home in Chouteau, Ok, until experiencing memory loss and cognitive and personality changes she was diagnosed with acute lead poisoning in early 2006 (assumed to be from contact with lead in the stained glass), then a subsequent diagnosis of frontal lobe dementia was made (unclear whether this is in addition to or supersedes the lead poisoning diagnosis.)

She was cared for at home by Harold (with help from his family & church) until his own health declined (quite likely impacted by the stress and depression typically experienced by caregivers to dementia sufferers) in 2008, and Stephanie was moved to a rest home (Alzheimers wing, Grace Living Center, Talhequah, Oklahoma), with Harold visiting several times a week, for as long as his health permitted - clearly making a difference to Stephanie's quality of life.

Images from mine and Melissa's visit to her in Chouteau June 2006 are attached. Photos from mine & Amanda's visit in 2010 were few and a little grim - sadly very little remained of my mother than an expressionless shell - though I recall she was able to read out loud when prompted (though did not seem to comprehend what she was reading), and was still capable of expressing affection with Harold (evidence of his unceasing commitment and engagement). By this time she did not know who I was, although there was a momentary glimmering of recognition.

Harold's physical and mental health declined with reversals occurring at increasing speed after this, and he was admitted on several occasions to Stephanie's rest home for care before moving to the Arkansas home of Quandi his daughter for his final months in 2014. Quandi is a nurse experienced in old age and end of life care. She meanwhile also maintained regular visits to Stephanie, driving hundreds of miles to her rest home in Oklahoma.

Harold remained lucid enough until the end to worry about Stephanie, with his dying request to Quandi that she take care of her. This Quandi did, keeping tabs, maintaining her visits, updating Melissa and myself (sadly living respectively a continent and half a world away) on her condition, which remained somewhat stable until Quandi reported her sudden decline in January 2015. I arranged what I knew would likely be a last trip to visit Mum - but en route I learned this was now to be her funeral.

Note

Associated for a time with Permaculture proponent Haikai Tane, who was investigating running walking tours from farm in Ferny Gair, Marlborough. Took Stephanie, Paul & Melissa on a 4 day test 'experience' through the bush, deliberately off any marked tracks. Heavy pack, difficult terrain, dense undergrowth, heat, sand flies and the total lack of any prior consultation was for the first three days not particularly well received by Paul, as an already angst ridden 14 year old, dealing with separation of parents. His complaints were apparently surprising to Stephanie, who had been exhausting herself mentally broadcasting 'positive energy' all day to encourage him. The final day out along a river valley was by comparison marvelous (flat & open & cool!), and Paul recalls passed the intriguing remains of an old cob hut.

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Note: Walking home on a summer evening. Photo taken by Paul King.

Walking home on a summer evening. Photo taken by Paul King. Dementia was already significant, but on that walk Stephanie was able to ask about and offer advice on relationships to Paul - a moment of closeness.

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Note: Stephanie described this as the last peice she was able to complete before being forced to give up s…

Stephanie described this as the last peice she was able to complete before being forced to give up stained glass work altogether

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Note: Daughter Melissa is seated to left, Stephanie to right. Paul is taking picture
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